Angry Robot of the Week

It seems crazy that we’ve never run this feature before, so when Alasdair Stuart (Editor of Hub Magazine and host of Pseudopod) suggested he write it for us, there wasn’t even a moment’s hesitation before we said “yes”.

When we sign a new author we send them an author questionnaire so we can get to know them a little bit more, and one of the questions asks for their personal favourite Angry Robot. Futurama‘s Bender is by far the robot most often listed, and so, without further ado, we present:

Angry Robot of the Week
Week One
Bender Bending Rodriguez

Peter Venkman, one of the 20th Century’s premier fictional parapsychologists once pointed out that the problem with aliens is that they’re just so inconsistent. Sometimes you get nice ones, like Starman, and sometimes, he points out, they’re just some big lizard. Aliens are different, new, scary and frequently want to eat us, use us as hosts for their larvae, biological Lego for their hives or at the very least convince us that the best possible thing to do is join their army of human clones because there’s no one like us left.

Aliens, let’s face it, suck.

Robots though, robots are at least consistent. Their metal shells speak of constancy, reliability and, often, a telling lack of buoyancy. A robot is our plastic pal who’s fun to be with, our trusty sidekick that we can explain the plot to or, more often, explains the plot to us. Robots are smartphones with vocal chords, iPads with death rays; robots are our friends, right?

Wrong.

Because there is one characteristic that distinguishes almost every major breakout robot star of the last twenty years; anger. Whether it’s the rampaging, gravel-voiced fury of Megatron (Any version, but we’ll discuss that another time) or the amiable rage of John Cavil, modern robots have long since smashed through the barriers surrounding ‘Cross’ and ‘Tetchy’ and are well into ‘Mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore’ territory.

Every week we’ll venture fearlessly into the realm of the robotic to examine one of our artificial friends in more detail and, hopefully, get them to calm down a bit. First out of the gate is, of course, Bender Bending Rodriguez, largely because he hobbled everyone else to make sure he was first. So prepare for a bending as we introduce you to the inaugural Angry Robot of the Week!

Name: Bender Bending Rodriguez
Aliases: Bender, Bending Unit 22,
Occupation: Bending Unit
Power Sources: Alcohol, Rage, Sense of Superiority
Notable Personality Traits: Alcohol, Rage, Sense of Superiority

Notes: It’s no surprise that Bender is named for legendary rebel without a cause (but an excellent coat) John Bender, from The Breakfast Club. He and John have a lot in common, from their pathological hatred for authority to their secret desire to be a folk singer. Trust me it’s there in The Breakfast Club, just very well hidden.

The unusual thing about Bender is that he does actually live up to his own hype. He’s stolen every one of the greatest art treasures in the first 3,000 years of human history, has not only been to war but survived having a doomsday device built into his shiny metal ass, met God and started a war with an alternate universe being that turned out to be a clingier, needier version of God. He even survived a particularly laboured Pirates of the Caribbean parody. Trust me, this robot is tough.

Bender doesn’t compromise, never loses sight of his goal and whilst he frequently allows feelings to get in the way, he never loses sight of his own goals. One day Bender will have all the money, all the booze and be the greatest robotic folk singer in the history of the universe. He knows this as surely as he knows that Mom loves him, Fry is his best friend and that he’ll sell anything, including his own body, to make money. Most importantly though, Bender knows that the universe continually conspires against him with it’s petty laws and that one day he’ll get the score to end all scores, the score that will confirm him, Bender, out as the greatest of all time. But that day is not today and that not only makes him angry, but makes him our first ever Angry Robot of the Week.

Your Moment of Angry Robot Zen:

Next Week: The awful truth about John Cavil, Al Calavicci and Tommy Westphall. Sort of.