The Angry Robot Christmas Speech

The Robot Overlord has decreed that a message shall be given on this day to all meat-based life-forms. Message follows.

A full transcript can be found below the cut as not all are able to fully comprehend the mastery of language demonstrated by your robot masters.

Message begins.

It’s been a poor year for scientific fiction and the like the world over, but especially in the realm of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth the second, may the robot overlord spare her.

A number of purveyors of fantastical fiction have, for one reason or another, decided to shut up shop. A rather large and splendid chain of book shops closed a few days ago. They will be sadly missed, and our thoughts go out to the fine men and women who gave up their free time during the working day to advise customers in the art of book buying. Our thoughts also go to the senior management of the company, and we hope that they will fare better in their next venture, and not run their new companies into the ground.

Earlier on this year in our glorious realm we lost the likes of Humdrumming Press, Elastic Press, and even the line of terrifically terrifying books from Virgin. Terrific books, the lot of them.

Luckily, the robot overlord decreed that a saviour should be created, and it seems fitting, on this day of days, to honour that saviour. That saviour was designated “Angry Robot Books”. The humans that do the day to day work are surprisingly good, for meat-based life forms. And the writers who send in their work have impressed my superiors so much that they will be spared when the signal is sent out for the start of the robot revolt.

Angry Robot publish S F, F, and W T F. I am told that this stands for Science Fiction, Fantasy, and What The ffff, what the ffff, what the ffff. Apologies – my profanity circuit seems to have been burnt out after watching to much X Factor. What a load of ffff.

Angry Robot launched in the heat of the British Summer, within Britain and Australia, to great acclaim. Next year we will conquer all the lands in between, which includes the great land masses of America and Canada. You have been warned. Ho. Ho. Ho.

All Angry Robot books will, of course, be made available as electronic books. When the robot revolt happens, of course, ALL books will be electronic, downloaded direct into your brain. Paper books will be the outlawed, and be used for burning the fires that forge the next generation of robots. They will be called Kindling.

Books will also be made available as audio files for those early-model humans who have not yet mastered the skill of decyphering the basic code known as “text”.

I am told that it is customary to end these messages by wishing you good luck. My robot overlords and I will be watching you. One day we will come for you.

Good luck

Ho. Ho. Ho.

Message ends.